What is Generational Trauma?

You can do everything “right”…practice self-care, set boundaries, work on yourself, but still be stuck in the same mental and emotional patterns.

So what is generational trauma? And why does it still affect you, even though you’re trying to do things differently?

Growing up, I watched the women in my life, including my mother, endure so much. Situations that asked them to sacrifice parts of themselves over and over again. Heartbreaking.

I had deep compassion for them, but I did not want that to be my story. So I leaned into popular concepts such as self-care and self-love.

I made space for myself and prioritized my needs.

I told myself, I’m breaking cycles of generational trauma.

And in some ways, I was…But I was only scratching the surface.

What is Generational Trauma, Really?

Before I dive into generational trauma, let’s take a quick look at what trauma is. Trauma can be a one-time incident or an ongoing experience that causes emotional injury. Even though the experience may be in the past, the effect remains in your present…showing up as shame, anxiety, depression, worthlessness, guilt, or helplessness. You can read more about trauma and trauma treatment here: What Is Trauma?

Generational trauma, also referred to as intergenerational or multi-generational trauma, is when thinking patterns, deep emotions, relational styles, and world experiences are passed from one generation to the next.

These are also known as legacy burdens. It’s ancestral, unhealed pain.

So What Exactly Gets “Passed Down?

What gets passed down often shows up in ways we don’t immediately recognize. Here are a few examples:

Patterns
How conflict is handled. Avoidance, shutting down, or reactive outbursts

Emotional Pain
Sadness, hurt, anger, fears…

Core beliefs
“I’m not good enough”, “I can’t trust others.”

Nervous system dysregulation
Feeling “on alert”, even in safe situations

These are not personality flaws. They are parts that have developed over time to keep oneself safe, physically and emotionally.

Consider this: a child who grows up under constant criticism.

Seeing disappointment in someone’s eyes is painful for anyone.
But seeing it in a parent’s eyes? That is a particular kind of wound that cuts to the core of who you believe you are.

Very early on, this child learns something devastating…
I’m bad…and can’t do anything right.

Young children don’t have the language or safety to process that kind of pain. So instead, they adapt. They begin to engineer parts of themselves that protect them from ever feeling the pain of rejection, disapproval, or emotional distance.

This is where patterns begin:

• Try harder
• Achieve more
• Give more
• Compromise more

All in the hopes of some approval or love in return

And then that child grows up.
They become an adult, maybe even a parent.
And here is where generational trauma reveals itself quietly.

Because on the outside, it doesn’t look like trauma anymore.
It looks like high standards, discipline, or “wanting the best” for your child.

But underneath it is the same unprocessed wound speaking:

• Don’t mess up
• Don’t disappoint
• Work hard for love

So without even realizing it, the parent begins to pass down what was once done to them…
Not always in the same way, but with the same emotional impact.

This is how the cycle continues.

The original wound, the incidents of shame and criticism, may not belong to you, or even to your parent(s), but someone somewhere in your family line experienced it. Since the trauma was never really understood or processed, the deeper belief of not feeling good enough and needing to go above and beyond to avoid disappointment was handed down.

Maybe never spoken, but always felt.

How Is Generational Trauma Passed Down?

So how does something like this actually get passed down from one generation to the next?

For a long time, psychology tried to answer this question:
Is it nature (your genes) or nurture (your environment)?

What we now understand is that it’s both.

Think of it like this:
Your genes are the blueprint…
But epigenetics (the way your genes work) decides which parts of the blueprint light up.

So when certain patterns like anxiety, hypervigilance, or emotional reactivity go unprocessed, they don’t just impact one person.
They can be carried forward.

But it’s not just about biology.

A large part of generational trauma is also passed down through what was modeled, repeated, and normalized in your environment.

Because children are like sponges, they’re constantly observing, absorbing, and learning.
They pick up on the tone, tension, and body language… and start to follow what feels familiar.

Take a moment to reflect:

• How were emotions handled in your home?
• How was conflict managed?
• Was it safe to express your needs?

Even things like fear of abandonment, insecurity, or difficulty trusting others can be passed down in this way, without anyone explicitly teaching it to you.

Wondering if generational trauma can be healed?

It can!

While you can’t change the blueprint (your DNA), you can change which parts light up (how your genes function).

Which means…healing from generational trauma is possible.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Generational Trauma

With so many things happening in life, it can be hard to tell what’s coming from where.

You might be wondering, “Is this just what I’m going through right now…or something deeper?”

Here are some signs that what you’re experiencing may go deeper than your current situation.

• Excessive amount of guilt when setting boundaries
• Fear of disappointing others
• Self-silencing
• Carrying the burden of being the “strong one” who doesn’t ask for help
• Carrying unprocessed fear, shame, or guilt.
• Emotions or behavioral patterns that don’t quite make sense
• Difficulty accessing or expressing emotions
• Chronic helplessness or hopelessness
• Feeling physically sensitive to tone, tension, or criticism
• Dissociating from your body during stressful situations

If even a few of these hit, it’s important to understand something before we go any further…

Why It’s Not Your Fault

As you begin to reflect on your current patterns and behaviors, linking them to generational trauma might feel uncomfortable…
Like you’re making excuses or blaming others for your struggles.

But this isn’t about blame; this is about understanding, curiosity, and leading with compassion.

It’s not always about parents, either.

These patterns are reinforced by the environments we grow up in, families, communities, and cultures that benefit from you being the “good person”, the strong one, the one that doesn’t complain.

Generational trauma is also shaped by larger forces like war, migration, poverty, racism, and other systemic experiences that impact families and communities over time.

So what you’re carrying is not just personal, it’s layered.

How to Start Healing Generational Trauma

If there is one thing I’ve come to understand, through my own journey and over a decade of working with clients, it’s this:

Healing doesn’t happen all at once.
And it’s not fair to expect one person to heal everything that was passed down.

Instead, healing happens in layers. Each generation does its part, and here is where you can start.

1. Awareness: Seeing Clearly

One way to start making sense of what you’re going through is to slow down…

Just notice what keeps repeating itself… in your thoughts, emotions, and relationships.

Instead of immediately trying to fix it, try getting curious:
Where did this come from
When did I start feeling this way?

Awareness creates space
And in that space, you have the opportunity to choose something different, better.

2. Emotional Work: Feeling What Was Never Felt

I know… this is the part we want to run away from. Nobody likes to feel raw and painful emotions. But I want you to know that with the right therapist, this process is not as gruesome as it seems.

As you process past experiences and patterns, emotions do get evoked…
Grief for what you didn’t get but deserved
Anger for what feels unfair
Sadness for the parts of you that had to grow up too quickly

Working with a therapist who is trained in treating generational trauma can make this process of working through hard emotions more gentle and safe.

3. Challenging Core Beliefs

What’s interesting about core beliefs is that over time, repeated experiences turn into beliefs:

Nothing ever goes right for me
No matter what I do its not enough
I can’t disappoint others

And these beliefs can start feeling like facts.

Part of healing is gently questioning them:
Is this actually true?
Or is this something I learned to believe?

And then, slowly, intentionally, beginning to replace them with something more grounded in compassion and understanding. One way to start doing this is through what I often call the “best friend” lens.

Ask yourself:
Is this how I would speak to my best friend?
Would I want them to believe they are not good enough?

Or would I remind them of who they are…
Their strengths, their resilience, the parts of them that are worthy of love simply because they exist.

The goal isn’t to force positive thinking
It’s to start softening the harsh, automatic voice inside… and replacing it with one that is more honest, balanced, and kind.

4. Boundaries: I Matter Too

Boundaries are where things begin to shift in your day-to-day life.

This might look like:

• Saying no without over-explaining
• Not taking responsibility for other people’s emotions
• Allowing your needs to take precedence over others

Boundaries are uncomfortable, especially at the beginning. They feel “bad”.

But remember, boundaries don’t have to be declared or big. Even if they are small, it means you are showing up differently than the generations before you.

5. Therapy: Not Doing This Alone

Generational trauma is complex… It’s heavy and deeply rooted. It can be overwhelming to untangle on your own. Therapy gives you a way to safely explore not just your experiences but also the experiences of those who came before you.

Therapy should never force forgiveness for the harm others may have caused you. It simply allows you to make sense of painful emotions and patterns and create new healthy ones that are no longer driven by trauma.

Modalities like EMDR or IFS can help you actually shift how generational trauma lives in your body and mind.

Final Thoughts For You

If you’re holding pain that was handed to you by your parents, grandparents, or generations before them…

I encourage you to do what no one before you did…

Heal

You get to interrupt the cycle in a significant way
Every time you speak up instead of self-silence…
Every time you choose compassion over shame…

You are changing what gets passed down.

And that matters
You Matter

If something in this article felt familiar to you, let’s stay connected

2 Simple Ways to Stay Connected👇🏼

Join The Healing Room — my free email space where I go deeper into healing, patterns, and real-life tools.

Follow me on Instagram for honest, day-to-day mental health content.

Or, if you’d like to set up a free consultation to see if we are a good fit to work together, Schedule Now!

6 Signs of Emotional Trauma in Adults That Often Go Unnoticed